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Some of the reasons I hate Indian entertainment:

1.) Within a movie or serial, you’re likely to hear two songs which are supposedly different but have the exact same background. After all, Indians do like to cut costs whenever possible.

2.) When Indian actors prepare for a fighting scene, they intentionally focus on missing their opponent. Little do they know that this does not constitute actual fighting. Rather, it makes them look like misguided imbeciles whose fists do a better job displacing air rather than showcasing violence.

3.) In Indian serials, half of each scene involves the camera capturing every conceivable angle of a “tense” moment. Zooming in and out, slow motion, changing the angle, and jumping in and out of parallel dimensions are just a few things you’ll see.

4.) If you’re ever contemplating how “hip” you are when it comes to your mobile phone’s ringtone, just watch an Indian serial. An entire department is appointed to making sure that the cast sports the latest cellphones and ringtones. Worried that you’ll miss out on what the exact phone and/or ringtone was? Don’t worry, the script states that actors should let their phone ring exactly 25 times and actresses should keep dropping their phones. This is obviously to ensure that the viewing audience receives a greater appreciation for how ridiculously pathetic a show can be.

5.) Indians wait for American game shows to fail, and then they reproduce them with a South Asian twist. Stealing shamelessly is in our blood.

6.) I – hate – saris. They look like bedsheets women wrap themselves in. And what’s this whole deal about a girl becoming a woman after she dons her first sari? That’s like saying that I became a man when I put on my first tie. (No, this doesn’t have any direct connection to “Indian entertainment”, but I wanted to express my hatred of saris).

7.) I don’t know about you, but I definitely walk around in public with a posse of males. All the Indian females I know also have their own posse… of females. And when a group of males and females comes across each other, a “leader” is appointed to represent each group. These two leaders engage in a series of romantic maneuvers involving trees, fire, and sometimes rain. Then, both groups line up behind their respective leaders and participate in a dance which they ALL “happen” to know ahead of time. Repeat this same scenario five times in every Indian movie, and you can see why the lack of reality makes me hate the industry even more.

I can’t believe we’re so terrible at an industry in which fakeness is the name of the game. We should just stick to becoming doctors and engineers and getting made fun of because of our accents, bodily odor, and extreme disregard for driving regulations.

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As a third year medical student at Baylor College of Medicine, my posts are intended to educate others and share my experiences from this incredible journey without violating patient privacy at all costs. These blurbs are not to serve as a replacement for recommendations provided by licensed physicians under any circumstance.