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I distinctly remember the first week of school when the course directors had a “did you know one of your classmates _______” session. Did you know one of your classmates invented _______, or worked for ______, or volunteered as a ______? I watched so many people go up in front of the class and receive acknowledgement for their incredible feats of scholarship, service, and leadership. At that time, it was nice knowing that these are my classmates, and I told myself that I too have a niche somewhere in the grand scheme of things.

I’m beginning to think otherwise.

I’ve started becoming familiar with a few of my classmates’ interests and life experiences outside of medicine, and I’m just blown away. A part of me thinks that I have nothing to contribute to this class in terms of useful skills. Another part of me hopes that my real talents have not been realized yet. The latter is definitely some wishful thinking.

The truth is, I’m at home in the operating room. No distractions. No competition. No having to listen to other people whine about professors, lectures, and medical school. Just me, the surgeon, the patient, and the clinical team. It’s almost as if the events which follow are pre-ordained every time. A laminectomy? I know exactly how it’ll play out minute to minute. A supraorbital keyhole craniotomy? I can already visualize the potential complications associated with the region.

I hope that flying under the radar is something I should be doing at this point, but I know it’s not conducive to landing a spot in neurosurgery. At the same time, I don’t intend on filling my CV with superfluous lists of achievements in place of meaningful experiences.

If there were only a way to quantify my ability to be efficient… to showcase what I’ve done by assimilating business with technology… to verbalize what I intend to do for microsurgery… then maybe I wouldn’t feel so inadequate. I’d feel like I have a tangible accomplishment (and a niche associated with it).

Oh well, in the end, I’m still lucky to have the priceless friendship of many of my classmates… many of whom have a right to be arrogant but opt for humility instead.

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As a third year medical student at Baylor College of Medicine, my posts are intended to educate others and share my experiences from this incredible journey without violating patient privacy at all costs. These blurbs are not to serve as a replacement for recommendations provided by licensed physicians under any circumstance.